Bane of my existence
by Knowledge-comes-Wisdom-lingers
Summary: "He creeped his way into my consciousness and lingered there. He dominated my thoughts, my feelings, my desires. I was his puppet and he didn't even know it."
1. Chapter 1

**One-shot fic.** Enjoy!

Disclaimer:** Hey Arnold and all its characters do not belong to me  
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><p>Arnold was my obsession. A compulsive disorder of mine that pushed me forward to the brink of a passionate insanity. He made me do things, feel things to the extreme, and I couldn't get enough of it. He was my world, my drug, my life, my continuance. He was the fuel to my fire, until…he walked out of my life to be with THEM. His obsession, his passion, his ultimate desire…his…parents. I lost him to them and then…I lost myself. Everything stopped. Life, passion, and me being me. It all stopped. I had no drive, no spark, no gusto, I was just… bland. Arnold was everything, and all I had left.<p>

I thought our trip to San Lorenzo would have brought us closer, which it did in a way, but not in the way that I thought. I knew he cared about me, he cared about everyone. But it seemed to me that despite the many trials we went through in the jungle it just wasn't enough. I was not enough for him to give me what I wanted, what I yearned for. So, when we returned to Hillwood things went about as usual. We hung out with the gang, played baseball, gathered up to hear urban legends and all that junk. You know, same old same old. It was like Fti never happened, like San Lorenzo never happened, and it was tearing me up inside, but at least he was still there. He was within reach. He just needed time. Yeah, that's it. Time.

But then one day, as we were all sitting down enjoying our shakes, celebrating the end of a great summer; Arnold announced to everyone that he was leaving for San Lorenzo in just two days. Imagine the look of surprise on my face when he uttered those words. No one seemed as utterly devastated as I was. One thing I recalled was that I sat there with my mouth agape over my straw in shock, and my eyes unblinking while everyone approached him, hugged him, offering good wishes in this new place, this new adventure he was embarking on this time…without me. Even Phoebe in her shock made the effort to wish him well on his new journey.

All these best wishes and such made me sick to my stomach. I just wanted to hurl and yet I knew I had to do it too. I had to wish him well. I had to give him my blessing to go without regret. In the midst of the distraction, I came to my senses and attempted to take a step forward towards the crowd, towards him, but I couldn't. I didn't want to say goodbye. I did not want to let the dream end. I never wanted to admit that it was over; that my wish would never come true. That everything I've done was all for naught. So, true to my nature, I slipped away from sight, exiting through the back of the shop. I ran through alleyways while my mind was a stir. And I was led home through no awareness of my own. I was on autopilot until I arrived in my room and noticed the volumes of poems and likenesses of him I made. That's when I finally cried. I cried my heart out until my voice was raw and my head pounded. "_They're taking it all away from me. He's allowing them to take it all away. How could they? How could he? Didn't he know how much it would hurt me?"_ I was angry at first, and then I went into denial._ "No! He wouldn't hurt me, Arnold would never hurt anyone!" _Soon enough I felt so exhausted that I fell asleep. Waking up the next day, I shut out everyone in protest, hoping he'll realize the error of his ways. Hoping he'll come to me and confess his love and stay. I would have done whatever it took for him to stay. I always did what I could for my obsession. But…without so much as a goodbye, a day later, I was told that he left.

So like I said earlier, I lost myself. I felt alienated, an outcast out there like I was in my home. I didn't fit in anywhere. So I withdrew myself, away from the crowd, from school, and I focused solely on my obsession. He overtook my brain, my heart, and my common sense. From the moment we met, he creeped his way into my consciousness and lingered there. He dominated my thoughts, my feelings, my desires. I was his puppet and he didn't even know it. But there's one thing he knew for sure, and that was that the girl he saw on the surface was not the girl that I was. It was a mere facade to hide the real me. He wanted to unveil the tough bully, and that's what kept him coming back. So, I just waited, waited for his return. I held vigil by my window, day and night, hoping that when he came back, he'll come straight to me. And I'll be at my window, his Juliet biding for the moment when he returned to proclaim his love. "_Hasten, my love, hasten doth step. For my heart shant not bear the absence of thy light"._

In my mind, he still lived around the corner. I never saw him leave for San Lorenzo so I held on to my false hope. He would sense that something was wrong, he always came when something was wrong. My obsession. My Arnold.

I was already into a month seclusion when I was discovered, weakened and paralyzed from malnutrition. I was frail and I barely had the strength to get off my window bench, still my obsession sustained me. I could never tire from it. It's what kept me going all these years. I stood firm on it and never strayed from my fixation of him. They tried to make me see the truth, they tried to make me acknowledge that he was gone, but I refused. They even tried to take me away from my perch on the bench, from my sole purpose and yet I still returned. I passed out after two days of resistance. I was force fed in order to stay alive but slowly through constant interventions, reasoning began to seep in. I was encouraged to reconnect with the outside world. My only link was my best friend.

Phoebe brought me out of the shadows in an attempt to redefine myself. I felt hopeless, I basically hit rock bottom. So I figured why not? I can only go up from there.

With her help, I tried to find an outlet, a substitute shall I say to compensate for the withdrawal of my infatuation of him. A year had passed, and nothing worked. I felt more empty and lost than I ever had since embarking on this…quest? My desperation to find stable ground led me to another boy, my placebo Arnold. This boy came into town a year after Arnold left. He was gentle and sweet like him, and well liked among the gang. Although, he lacked the drive and passion that Arnold had when it came to righting wrongs and whatnot, but he was a nice change from the monotony that was currently my life. Pretty soon, he took an interest in me as I began to blossom, and I obliged. I wanted to move on, I wanted to change. I was made over, something all the girls encouraged me to do in the name of 'sisterhood'. What a crock! I was Rhonda Wellington Lloyd's new guinea pig, and she loved it. That snob! She coerced me into it. It seemed she had obtained a certain picture from a slumber party I had crashed in the 4th grade looking like an overly made-up floozy, at the time I thought I looked good, but I guess I'm just not photogenic like I thought. Anyway, she threatened mass reproduction and distribution of that fine piece of evidence of my humiliation all over school if I didn't comply. So...complied I did. And yet, it was a step in the right direction. Well…I hate to say it, but we bonded. Ugh! That was brutal for me to admit. But I know in her way, she cared. Sometimes, I felt like they all did. And it felt…nice.

Placebo Arnold was a nice guy who managed to wean me out of my obsession a little. We went out and did what other couples normally would do. At times, I welcomed the distraction but there were instances where he would say things or do things that reminded me of the genuine article and it hurt. So within two months of dating, we called it quits. We remained friends though, but at the moment I was just not into relationships.

Phoebe. That little mouse outdone herself once again. In an attempt to cheer me up she managed to rally the gang together as a support group on my behalf. We hung out and laughed and…reminisced. They made me realize that I'm not the only one missing Arnold. In a way, I felt that we were in the same boat, yet it still wasn't quite the same. Their connection to him was strong, but mine was beyond that. It was intense. It was deeper than anyone could ever imagine. I'm sure they haven't cried themselves to sleep at night as they thought of him. Also, I'm sure they don't see him in their dreams whispering intimate words that they've longed to hear coming from his beautiful lips. And I'm definitely sure that they'd ever hope for a future with him and expected it to happen. No! They would never fully understand my connection to him and they never will…

But time had managed to pass by, rather slowly in my opinion, but the overwhelming ache began to subside; I felt myself losing him or was it just my fantasy of him.

As time went by, I came to terms with how my life was and the memory of him began to waft like the wind. I felt free and unbound to my past, my obsession. I grew up and out of my infatuation of the boy with the cornflower hair, and the green jellybean eyes that had managed to conquer my heart and soul. It took me awhile but I was free to love again.

A few years later, I graduated high school and got accepted to Groverton University. An Ivy League school that had the best Literature program in all the country. Who would've thought that I would've made it there. Not Big Bob that's for sure. Yet I managed a full ride to this school to his shock. He nearly had a fit due to his amazement. To be honest, I knew Olga was still their favorite daughter despite her giving up her teaching job to become an actress. It was hard to form a closer bond with them knowing how we started. But time changed them as well as they made a true effort in getting to know me. It was Dr. Bliss that made them notice my downward spiral into nothingness. She along with my parents with the utmost discretion of course as per Bob's request met up on certain days and worked out our 'issues'. I was finally getting the recognition I deserved.

When it was time for me to leave for Groverton University, I was stopped by my parents as I exited the door. We stood facing each other our tongues tied for a moment. I know Bob hated sensitive moments like this and so did I. Bob straightened himself as he stood on the top step with Miriam leaning in to him, a solemn expression on her face. He gathered himself and looked me in the eyes "Girl" He paused "You did it! And you did it all on your own. Now show them what the Pataki name is all about." Both Miriam and Bob had unshed tears in their eyes, yet I knew not why. I was just going off to college. What was the big deal! And then when he said these words I knew why. "I'm proud of you, Helga" He looked to Miriam and the tears began to shed then. "We both are!" From that point on all I remember was being wrapped up in a tight group hug. In the midst of the hug I whispered, "Thanks Mom, Dad" Weird huh! My own parents involving me in a group hug. Talk about awkward! But in that moment I felt that I was finally accepted into their circle. I felt I had their love.

Fast forward.

Well, four years went by and I got my degree. I made a lot of good connections and some bad ones as can be expected. But I survived once again. I still felt free, and hopeful for my future. I hoped to find that special someone who would whisk me off of my feet in a whirlwind of romance in their attempt to woo me. Yep! That was basically my expectation as I entered the working world. Always looking forward. The new me, the new and improved Helga G. Pataki.

I moved in with Phoebe who was already living in the Big Apple and had been doing research for a medical company for a year. The genius had managed to graduate early. She's a phenom, I tell ya! And I…I searched for job openings. Whatever I could find short term I did to support Phoebe with rent and other utilities. And I searched, applied, and was interviewed for positions in writing and publishing companies as well. I was looking for something more stable. That's my new favorite word. Stability. And my life was heading towards it. A few months later, I got the call. Someone read a sample of my writing and put me on board their staff for a women's magazine. Phoebe and I celebrated with a mini splurge of shopping. Yeah, yeah, you heard right. I like to shop now. I have to admit, it's very…what's the word….ah yes! therapeutic. Not for my wallet though, but you know. You have to sacrifice in order to gain. And peace of mind was what I was gaining.

Anyway, things were looking up. I had my feet on the ground, a stable income, and a somewhat stress free life. And then one Saturday, as I made my way to pick up my dress suit for work at the cleaners, I saw a man. A tall man with broad shoulders and slightly tanned skin. He had blond hair hanging down like rivulets of water that stopped at his shoulders, tied up in a small ponytail. A few wisps of hair were strayed and hung down the front of his face. He was wearing casual jeans and a blue t-shirt. He could have been just an ordinary man. But what captured my attention was not his body or his looks. It was the way he helped this old woman, a stranger, in lifting her groceries and packing it into her car. He didn't work for the food market that I knew for sure; and yet, he offered his help with the utmost sincerity that was uncommon in this neighborhood, it...floored me.

As he finished with the woman, he refused the money she provided with a gentle smile. It was uncanny, how a simple gesture managed to capture my attention, and therefore, making me oblivious to the fact that I stepped forward and into the street until a loud HONK sounded, and the screeching of tires was heard as the car stopped short of hitting me, snapping me out of my stupor. I was cursed out, and ridiculed by the driver. And so, I snapped right back, slamming my hand on the hood of his car, "YOU IMBECILE I WAS TRYING TO WALK HERE. CRIMINY!" I stepped back onto the sidewalk where I originally stood and when I looked up, the old lady's car was gone, but the tall young man with the slightly tanned skin and broad shoulders still remained. My eyes wandered up his frame until I noticed him staring right at me. I blushed in embarrassment, hoping he did not witness what just happened. I lowered my head till the blush subsided. Once it did, I looked up again and instantly, our eyes met. _Green jellybean eyes_. That was what popped into my head. "_No! It can't be_." But I could see the gears turning in his head as well as he squinted his eyes and slightly leaned in my direction, hoping for a better look. He took a hesitant step forward, and his hand began to lift as if reaching out, wondering if what he was seeing was a mirage or something real. My gaze never wavered and the words that sprung up in my head didn't either. _Green jellybean eyes_,_ Green jellybean eyes_, _Green jellybean eyes_. My breathing began to heighten in speed. _Green jellybean eyes, Cornflower hair, My beloved, My despair, Football h-_ My mind was leaving me. This can't be happening. Not now, not when I've managed to do so well. _"No! This can't be my obsession staring right back at me. It just can't be"_

It was a trick. Yesss! A trick of the mind. I blinked three times and three times his green eyes met mine. My shoulders sagged and I was faced with a tough decision. When it came down to it the only thing I could think of at that moment was _"RUN, Helga, RUN"_. And so… I did.

"**A/N: Thank You for reading! I hope you liked it. Please review."**


	2. The Confrontation

**A/N: Hello readers, and thank you so much for your reviews. Although my original intention was to leave this fic as a one-shot your response and enthusiasm spurred me on to come up with this chapter. So, this is dedicated to you!:) So far I'm working on Arnold's POV which hopefully will come next. So I hope you like it; let me know if you do!**

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><p>I ran.<p>

In heels, I ran. A most unexpected development of that I'm sure. Who would've thought that today of all days I would be faced with a predicament such as this. Definitely not me. I was cursed. Cursed with bad luck, I tell ya. Probably Madame Blanche's doing for ratting on her about the main ingredient in her fake love potion (or out of love potion) to the city inspector. Who knew that the imported soda pop she used was an unauthorized product in this country, and that she would get shut down and sued for it. I sure didn't! I was just doing my civic duty as a concerned citizen when I realized that another product she sold me to make my love return did not work. I surely did not want my money back. I just wanted results. At the time, I was an angry and desperate twelve-year-old girl with 'high expectations'. And you just didn't mess with that. But thinking about it now, I guess it sorta, kinda worked. Technically, he has returned soooo I did get what I paid for. Ironic isn't it. Oh well!

It seemed that the moment I began to run, so did he. '_Crap!' _I thought_._ That baboon still couldn't take a hint. I mean if a woman ran away from you, it usually meant that they didn't want to deal with you and wanted to avoid you or they're just not interested. And yet, there he was chasing me around New York City's streets like some raging maniac. Seriously, who does that?

During my so-called marathon, I took a quick glance back to measure the distance between us and I was glad to see that I was far ahead. When I turned to look forward again, I heard his deep baritone voice call my name. "Helga" "HELGA!"

'_Ooooh'_ a shiver ran down my spine just now at the sound of his voice. '_This is bad. This is really bad! I have to keep running, I have to.' _

"Helga! Helga, please…stop!" I heard him say. But I just shook my head 'No' as I continued to run. I couldn't stop. No! I just didn't want to stop. I didn't want to be sucked into his world again.

"HELGA! Why are you running away from me? Please…answer me?" He pleaded as he continued to chase after me. "_Hohoho! He's good! Very good! He's pulling the innocent act! Ha! Playing the victim card I see, Arnoldo. He just might get an Oscar for delivering that line on me, which would've worked…, TWELVE YEARS AGO!" _But no, I continued to run, ignoring his plea to answer him.

He pushed forward and started to gain on me._ 'Crap again!'_ Darn heels are making me lose ground. Luckily, I had a head start or I would've been screwed. Besides, I'm a Pataki and regardless of what my circumstances were I pushed, and pushed until I couldn't push anymore. And it seemed that my pushing was having an effect on his good-naturedness all of a sudden as I heard him growl in frustration. I could almost feel his temper rising. '_Ohhh Yeah, just like old times.'_

He yelled out seeming somewhat short in breath, "WILL YOU JUST…HEAR ME OUT? JUST-"

I was bent on not uttering a single word to him, but in my mind I responded, _'NOPE!'_

I wondered, '_Why can't he let me be? Why can't he just let go, like he did years ago._'

Finally, I reached the end of the street and I could see the park ahead. I know this city like the back of my hand, just like Hillwood. And I knew that if I took this shortcut through the park, I could easily lose him and I would never have to see his football face again_. 'Hahaha! Take that ya pea brain.'_

The hope of shaking him off brought a smile to my face. This time I had the advantage, I was gonna win! But I barely entered the gates of the park, when I ran into a snafu. As soon as I stepped on the grass, the heel of my right shoe went in so deep that it got caught in the hardened soil and broke. '_Great $200 down the drain. Never mind that. I had to keep going, I had to lose him.' _So I quickly removed both shoes, half-hopping, half-running as I held them in my right hand since the other hand was occupied with my purse and I prepared for a full out sprint.

The grass surely helped soften the pounding of my step as my bare feet repeatedly came in contact with it. Soon, I noticed the exit to the busy streets up ahead. I was going to make it. I was going to get the gold. I was gonna finish the race. _'I am woman hear me roa-What the-?'_

I was tackled. You think it's funny huh! Well, it's not! Arnold, in his desperate attempt to stop me, as he saw that I was winning, of course, took it upon himself to suddenly play football with me. That jerk! He just jumped in the air and tackled me. Just like that. What's the matter with him? Had he completely lost it?

Well, he did twist himself under me in order to take the brunt of the pain as we both hit the ground. Maybe he hadn't completely lost it, but I'm still pissed. For a moment, I stayed still, trying to catch my breath. I gazed at the sky. It made me feel almost peaceful; just seeing the clouds pacing along with the slowing rhythm of Arnold's breath as I lay there on top of him, my back pressed onto his chest while he held me still. It was…It was…..

"Helga?" He murmured, his breath tenderly caressing my left ear. It sucked! That's what it was.

He squeezed me a little, hoping I would answer him and I nearly moaned? No, no, that's not it. I… nearly cried out due to my discomfort. Yeah, I'll go with that!

Anyway, I still haven't said a word and I'm not going to.

Besides, my mind was elsewhere._ 'His arms are so strong, so strong. And…When did he get so strong?'_

Yeah, I was extremely distracted. That's good! It'll keep me from having to face him. Good plan, Helga! Good plan! _'And his voice, when did his voice become so sultry and stimulating. Ahhhh,_ _I'm doing it again. ' _After barely a few minutes since he'd returned, I was already flooded with thoughts of him.

Time for plan Z. I took a deep breath and relaxed my body. He soon let his guard down and relaxed his arms as well. '_Big mistake, Bucko. Huge_.' I took this development to elbow him in the stomach and scramble off of him. I managed to get up, and took a few steps forward to run, but to my surprise Arnold was not only strong, he was quick, very quick. He bolted to his feet and that's when I felt large hands tug at my waist. _"Uh oh"_ I thought. He turned me around, and I quickly shut my eyes. '_Don't look, just avoid his gorgeous green eyes and you'll be fine._'

"Helga, why are you doing this? Why are you being this way?" He implored.

I could hear the pain in his voice and I could picture the pain in his eyes as well. But I did not want look into it. If I did I would be reminded of all the hurt and pain I felt back then, when he abandoned me; when he turned a blind eye to my cries for his attention. '_The little runt! Well…he's not so little anymore. Curse him and his sexy manliness. Gah! I thought I overcame this. I thought I was free. But lo and behold he comes back from wherever and with a simple glance of his emerald pools, I began to unravel like a wilting flower. You're pathetic Pataki, really pathetic.'_

Alright, I had to think of something. But, what? For a second I stood there and pondered and… _'Got it!'_ Okay. Fine, I could do this; I could talk to him like a normal...sane... adult, but… with my eyes still closed. _'Yeah, so the mature decision there, Helga.'_

I gathered my thoughts and composed myself; prepared to speak.

Firmly I said, "Arnold" And then, I floundered. I haven't spoken his name in years. Saying his name made me feel so vulnerable that I'm sure my emotions were showing through on my face. But I couldn't look at him to see if they did. Things were bad enough as they were at the moment.

Arnold reached for my hand and squeezed it, trying to get me to relax. But I just felt worse. He softly spoke again, "Why…were you running away from me?"

I shrugged my shoulders "W-well Arnold, I ran from you because…because I didn't recognize you and I thought you were aaa…STALKER, heh, heh. Talk about embarrassing huh!" _'Phew! Great save Pataki' _I thought. But I wondered if he bought it. I just hoped that my facial expression did not give me away.

I felt him shift on both feet, and then I heard him sigh.

"Look at me" he said in the most sweetest voice, he could've ever mustered. I felt another shiver. And yet I still shook my head 'No'. He sighed heavily this time. "I know you recognized me, Helga. So can you please tell me the real reason why you ran away from me?"

He continued and his voice began to rise. "Can you please tell me why everyone won't talk to me about you? Why all my FRIENDS ARE TRYING TO KEEP ME AWAY FROM YOU? EVEN GERALD, MY OWN BEST FRIEND!" He finished, breathing heavily from his sudden fit. I was somewhat shocked and afraid at his outburst. I guess it showed because he calmed down right away and composed himself. I know he'd changed quite a bit, and yet I can still tell that he's the same. I couldn't wrap my head on what had changed though because I had never asked for him or about him. I completely erased him from my life and I just couldn't or didn't care to look back. His name was taboo whenever I was around the gang. I didn't mind, and they understood. It's what made my life easier.

I heard a THWUMP before me. And from the sound of it, it seemed to me that he sat down on the grass. He spoke calmly with a slight hesitation. "Have I…have I done something wrong? Did I…hurt you in any way?"

That did it! I opened my eyes and finally stared at him. And I mean really stared at him. I was pissed…AGAIN. I tried to control myself as I asked, "Are you telling me you don't know?" Seeing the confusion in his face, in his eyes, I screamed, "ARE YOU?"

"Helga, I-" He didn't have a clue. Either that or he was playing me for a fool.

"YOU BASTARD" And that's when I jumped on him and pounded my fist on his chest. "You hurt me, Arnold, can't you see that. You tore me apart, you killed me inside, you bastard." I pounded and pounded, until I felt tired. And for the first time in my life, I let him see me cry. I let him unveil my façade, albeit unwillingly. He cornered me at my weakest moment and exposed me. As I cried, I felt him attempt to wrap his arms around me; I hissed and pulled away as if burned by his touch. I quickly got up, and I set my cold blue eyes on him. "Don't" I whispered harshly, pointing an accusing finger at him. "You brought me enough pain to last me a thousand lifetimes. Just….Stay…. away from me." His eyes were burning through me and it almost made me lose my courage.

But I knew Arnold wouldn't take no for an answer. He'll try to fix, and correct. That's just his way; it's in his blood. And in order for him to stop you had to really hurt him to get your point across. And hurting people was my specialty once upon a time. So here we are again. The bully and her victim placed together in the same scenario. History would repeat itself. Even though it pained me to revert to old ways, I had to do this one last time. I had to make it clear and mean it. I had to make him understand that the best solution was to let go. "Sometimes, I wish…" I closed my eyes tightly unable to bear the hurt look in his eyes as he listened. I opened them and held firm his gaze. It's now or never. "Sometimes, I wish we had never met, and we were never friends. Because… knowing you made me miserable all the more. Perhaps…perhaps, I would have been better off then, than I am right now."

And with a firm resolve, I picked up my shoes, turned and walked away, unable to see the tears that began to streak his face._ 'I'm sorry Arnold'_

And as I got to a fair distance away from him, I could've sworn I heard his voice carry on through the wind whispering, "I'm sorry too Helga"

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><p><strong>Please Review<strong>


	3. HEY ARNOLD?

_** Arnold'sPOV**  
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><p>It was late when I arrived at Gerald's apartment building after the confrontation with Helga. I was soaked from walking the streets for hours without rest. Entering the building, I sat in the lobby going over what happened today.<p>

I felt devastated about what she had said. '_She hated me_.'

She often said or showed me she didn't like me in the past, but… her eyes would always betray her. I knew she didn't hate me, I knew Helga didn't hate anyone. On rare occasions, she showed that she didn't. Her mouth often mocked and ridiculed, but her body language would deceive her. It was so obscure that at times I didn't even notice, but it was there. Deep, deep down I knew. I often thought it was weird that I could read her like that; she may have been confusing, but she was not that good at lying.

But today was different, her eyes told me so. They were cold and so were her words. Its harshness pierced my heart the second they escaped from those luscious pouty lips. Sigh. Those lips… that mine were itching to feel. She brought out feelings that I had long ago denied, but currently acknowledged. "Helga" I softly uttered aloud. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sound of her name as it rolled off my tongue. A name no longer spoken with contempt or anger, but with admiration.

The moment I saw her there across the street, I couldn't believe my eyes. I didn't even recognize her at first. She had changed so much. Well, physically that is, that I just couldn't look away. I had just finished saying goodbye to the old woman I helped at the market, and that's when I heard a commotion across the street between a driver and a young woman. The driver nearly hit her with his car, and then he began cursing her out because of it. I was prepared to come to her aid should anything happen. But it seemed that she soon snapped out of her shock when she displayed her fiery temper at him. Her passion, her spirit, it spoke to me, and I was enthralled by it. This beautiful woman with long blonde hair braided neatly reaching her mid back, wore a pink designer shirt with skinny blue jeans, along with navy high heeled shoes. She had light make-up on, which made her look natural and a small clutch purse. She was a vision of beauty and strength and I was fascinated. My intent was to approach her delicately and maybe offer to buy her a cup of coffee and probably go on from there. But when the driver left and she turned her strikingly sinful blue eyes on me, my mind went blank. She was the one, and there was no denying it.

She blushed, probably embarrassed by the spectacle that just occurred, I smiled inwardly and my gaze softened. I waited for her to make eye contact again, to give me the okay to approach her, but when she did, something strange occurred. It felt like that something I had lost was now found. By her reaction, it seemed she felt the same way as well. I tried to focus my eyes closely on her features and took a step forward, and a swirl of emotions from my past overcame me. My heart began beating so fast, and my palms were starting to get clammy. I used to have this feeling long ago, kinda like déjà vu. And I felt like that around only one person. My long lost Cecile, Helga G. Pataki.

After I left Hillwood for San Lorenzo, my subconscious would send me visions and dreams of her. Both girls would often be in them and suddenly they would mesh. At first, they troubled me but soon I accepted them. It took me a while to figure out what it meant but finally I knew. Both girls were one and the same. But soon after I realize that, other dreams of her would come into play as I began to grow and quite frequently. My father had said that it was normal for a boy my age to have those kinds of dreams and more often than not those dreams would pass the more I got older. But as the years went by, my thoughts of her never did.

Since I came to San Lorenzo with my parents, more and more I was told by them that my head was in the clouds. I got easily distracted as I thought of her. She confused and excited me all at once and I was hooked. I was obsessed, lovesick, and infatuated by a girl I could barely stand months ago. As I came into adulthood, I would wonder what she looked like, sounded like, or…felt like. It drove me insane that I just wanted to bury myself in my maddening dreams. She was a template for the girls I had dated, and I never felt content. There was always something that was missing when I was with them. I tried my best to make a connection with those girls, but I still felt hollow inside for some reason.

But there she was right before me, in a meeting of chance. I was overcome with joy when it happened, but this joy didn't last long because one moment she was standing there and the next she was gone. My eyes shifted uncontrollably. I panicked. Never before in my life have I ever panicked. I'm usually calm and levelheaded when it came to tough situations, but this one hit too close to home. Helga was complex that I always knew. She was smart and quick, and if I so much as blinked she would disappear. She still could draw me in to her, like a moth to a flame. '_Yep that's Helga alright.'_ I smiled for a second, but then I realized the urgency of the situation. She was running away, so…I ran as well. She was ahead by twenty feet, give or take and I knew that I had a tough task in keep up with her, but I was up for it. What amazed me was that she was running flawlessly in her heels. '_Incredible.' _ I thought.

I would say that I'm pretty fit. Living in San Lorenzo tends to give you an unexpected work out. I came across many sticky situations where a jungle animal chased me or when natural disasters would force me and my parents to seek higher shelter. Plus I played baseball when I went to college here in the states. So I could pretty much hold my own in this case.

Soon I began to steadily catch up to her, and since I knew she was within hearing distance I began to call her name. '_She totally ignored me!' _

I was baffled. '_What have I done to deserve this?' _I shrugged, quickly dismissing it. _'Typical Helga behavior' _I said to myself. But it made the challenge of running after her all the more interesting. It sparked a fire in me that I haven't felt in years. And it made me feel…alive.

I pleaded for her to stop. She didn't of course, she continued to run. Instinctively, I knew she wouldn't, but I hoped she would. But as we continued, I began to feel slightly irritated. I growled at the antics that she still could make me go through. _'Grrrr! The things that I had to put up with from her in the past and now this! What goes on in that mind of hers I want to know?'_ Despite the needless bout of exercise she sprung up on me, I was determined to get to the bottom of this. I smirked. And Oh Yes! I will get to the bottom of it.

When I saw her entering this park, I knew I had to stop her then. I was fairly new to this town and didn't know my way around so well so I knew that if she left that park and entered the busy streets on the other side I would lose her. So I increased my stride and took a chance as she got close to the exit and tackled her. I know, I know, it was stupid. But I was getting desperate and I just reacted. Thinking on my feet I twisted my body under hers to take the brunt of the pain as we hit the ground. I was out of breath, but still I smiled. Finally, I had her in my arms.

We stayed still on the ground for few moments; it felt completely right holding her. I can finally put to rest the many things I had wondered about her. She was corporeal, and not a figment of my imagination.

My breathing calmed and I felt more excited to have the opportunity to talk to her. I couldn't wait to hear what she sounded like now. I murmured her name so I wouldn't startle her as calm as she was. But she didn't say a word. I took a whiff of her hair, I couldn't control myself. Her sweet scent ignited something in me. And for a moment, I felt slightly possessive as I squeezed her lightly like a teddy bear. She slightly whimpered in response. My mind was working on overdrive. I thought of so many things I wanted to say, but nothing came to mind. But suddenly, I felt her relax into me_. 'Mmmmm!'_ she felt sooo good against me that I let down my guard as well.

To my surprise it was a ploy in which she took the opportunity to elbow me in the stomach. Regardless, I smirked. _'Still feisty as ever, I see. Me like!' _But there was something that Miss Pataki did not realize, and it's that I am no longer the little boy that she towered over. I'm taller, stronger, and faster than I used to be. I quickly got up and took a few steps reaching her and grabbed her at the waist. _'She feels so warm' _

She gasped, possibly in disbelief. Then I turned her around and she quickly shut her eyes.

Instantly, I felt hurt that she didn't care to look at me. After being away all these years, she didn't show the slightest bit of happiness to see me. It wounded my pride and dimmed down the hope that something more between us would occur. '_Well Pataki, you should know_ _I'm not one to give up so easily. I will persist until you tell me why you're evading me.'_

She kept her eyes still closed, and I accepted that…for now. But then I saw she was composing herself to speak, so I waited patiently. I examined her with a critical eye. She was a unique creature that had blossomed magnificently. Her features were indeed quite attractive, but that air of mystery she still had was what captivated me the most.

When she finally uttered my name, I felt a slight tremor in my heart. It charged me with a euphoric feeling that I had never felt before, the anticipation I previously held was satisfied. Her melodic voice, ever so sweet was music to my ears that my eyes naturally transformed to its half lidded gaze. I tucked that sound away into my memory box so I could cherish it. But...I wanted more, so much more. I wanted to get to know her again, I wanted to watch her continue to grow, I wanted our paths to continue to cross.

However, when I realized that she hadn't spoken another word since then, I began worry. I observed her and noticed the discomfort on her face. It didn't sit well with me so I decided to nudge her into telling me why she ran away. Of course it worked and she gave me an excuse as to why she did. It was lame._ 'A stalker? Me? Not likely.'_ I didn't believe one word of it. Not… one…word. I was beginning to get frustrated again. There's only so much I could take. I'd waited so long to see her again, and I was losing my patience with the way I was being ignored.

Helga was giving me the runaround and she was not the only one. It irked me that I could not get a straight answer from anyone. Since I left Hillwood, I kept in contact with most of the gang. To this day we still talked with each other, but when it came to the subject of Helga, I would get vague answers, or a change of subject, or a "she's just fine" and that would irritate me. I grew worried over time that something bad had happened to her; on occasions I would have nightmares. At my insistence, Gerald told me nothing was wrong, but other than that he didn't want to express anything more.

When I came to the states to go to college, during a break in my schooling, I went to stay with Gerald to pay him a visit. I inquired about everyone; it was all good and fun. But when I asked for Helga and for a chance to come into contact with her, I was outright refused. It wasn't the first time that I was discouraged into speaking to or seeing her and I grew angry of course. They didn't understand what I felt for her. What I was willing to do for her. I just wanted to let her know! I just wanted a chance.

"You have no right Gerald to keep her from me" is what I told him.

"I'm sorry Arnold, but I just don't think it's wise that you come into contact with her…at all." Gerald responded in all honesty.

"Why?" I asked confused. Gerald just sighed and said. "It's complicated. Besides, it's not my place to tell" And he left the matter at that. We never bothered to speak of her again since that day. But I still tried to find her. I looked into other avenues of course and reached dead ends. So, after I graduated I gave up the search. Usually, I never gave up, but at that moment I had nothing to go on, so despair set in. And I resigned myself to my fate. So, when I saw her today, I couldn't believe my luck, I felt excited.

But as I confronted her, the excitement that was there turned to anger. Anger for the fact that no one would tell me the reason why Helga would not see me. As I sat down on the grass, I asked her if I was the problem, if I had done something wrong to hurt her. She conveyed to me quite angrily that I knew what I had done, but…I did not; at least, not consciously. I guess she realized that I had no clue, so she flipped on me. She was furious with me in an uncontrolled way. And after a while she began to cry. It broke me. It pained me to see her fall apart like this. It was never my intention for this to happen when I stumbled upon her on the street. Not at all. I thought, _'What have I done to hurt you this way Helga?'_ and ultimately the anguish in me set in.

I wanted to fix it. I wanted to mend her back together as she clung desperately to my shirt and trembled in my arms. I felt like dirt. But still I wanted to bring her comfort so I began to wrap my arms around her and she reacted in disgust, removing herself from my embrace. The coldness I felt when her warmth left made me quiver. I felt fear at what she might do or say next. And my fear was realized when she wished that she had never met me all those years ago. I was stunned, speechless. She regretted a moment I often cherished and wished to return to before she became the 4th grade bully. It's what made me convinced that she had some good in her, when no one else thought so.

But my heart shattered at the finality of her words and at the way she turned from me, never to look back. Tears had sprung from my eyes and my legs grew weak. My mind screamed to run after her, but my body protested. It shut down. The object of my desire was leaving me. I had lost her.

As she reached a good distance away I uttered, "I'm sorry too Helga" not really knowing why my words were formed this way. But I just sat there on the grass staring at her till she became a spec in the distance.

And this led me back to the reason why I was sitting here in the lobby of Gerald's apartment building. Contemplating about my chance meeting with Helga, which turned out to be a disaster. I went over my actions and criticized them, what I should have done or what I should have said, but its no use. All I know is that in the end _'She still hates me!'_

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><p><strong>AN: Here's a quick update for ya! Woohoo! I'm on break and loving it. No, I'm not trying to rub it in for those of you who are not. I just can't help it, I needed this. Thank you so much to those who reviewed Ch.2(The Confrontation). I'm so glad to know that the last chapter was to your liking and I hope you all like this one as well. Don't worry it doesn't end here. So, holla! Do they still say that? Hm? **

**Please Review! *smiley face***


	4. HURT

~Hurt~

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><p>It rained when I exited the park and made my way back to my apartment. But with my mind preoccupied, I didn't care and walked through it. He disrupted it; he disrupted my life, my happiness, my freedom. All gone in just minutes. I hate him. I hated him for the power he'd held over me still after all these years. Hah! And yet…I could never fully hate him. I don't know why, I just can't will myself that way. What had been between us was just too natural to ignore, but he managed to fight against it. And for a time so did I, but I knew all along what it was. And I was the first to confront it, to admit it, to…confess…it. Sigh. The wound had been reopened. And that overwhelming ache from long ago had returned. This time I knew for sure it would never heal. No amount of time and help would be able to fix me this time. I'm a scarred woman, and it'll be plain enough for any man to see. I'm damaged goods, and that's all thanks to Arnold.<p>

I came into my apartment building all soaked in my outfit, my shoes hanging in my right hand. The concierge, a nice fellow in his late 50's lifted his gaze from the front desk, and his eyes opened wide. "Miss Pataki, are you alright?" He asked worriedly as he got up to approach me cautiously. I merely nodded, but in mind I knew I wasn't. But I guess from my expression he understood not to question me further so he just pressed the elevator button to open for me, which to my relief it did immediately. I went in, avoiding his gaze still drenching the place, but he didn't mind. He just pressed the number for my floor, wished me to have a good evening and went back out into the lobby. I scoffed lowly. '_A good evening? Not likely_'

Once the elevator doors shut, I had a moment of weakness as I slid down from the wall and cried. It hurt so much. I felt like I was about to crumble. Ding! I reached my floor, but still I sat there just staring into space. Ding! The elevator rang again indicating I reached my floor but still I sat there unmoved. So the doors closed shut, but it didn't move either. I felt just like the elevator at this moment, hanging in limbo. At least the elevator would remain that way until someone would need it, but that wouldn't be the case for me.

I don't know how long I sat there, but it was Phoebe who found me. For someone so calm, she was in hysterics when she called my name. And I didn't know why. It was she who snapped me out of my daze and helped me to our apartment. I hated doing this to her. She deserved a better best friend than me. I felt so foolish letting her see me like this. But I couldn't help it. I felt like I'd been drained of life after my encounter with my first love. It's like I had relapse on Arnold all over again, and it barely took a second of being near him for it to consume me.

When we entered, I went to change in my room. Minutes later, she approached me with a hot cup of tea. I accepted it with a shaky smile as she sat down next to me on the bed. Phoebe was still the same. Intelligent, loyal, a little shy but was more mature. The only difference was that she now had longer hair and the slight roundness of her face had slimmed down as she shed her baby fat while in high school. But she's still the ever smart girl whom I took under my wing and hadn't left it since.

She somberly uttered, "I just got off the phone with Gerald"

I sighed heavily knowing that she knew why I was sulking in the elevator.

"Arnold told him he saw you today…."

I knew she wanted an answer from me, but I was not in the mood to talk about it. She sighed and continued, "Helga…you're my best friend and I love you but…don't shut yourself up like this"

I was getting nervous. Nervous because I hated talking about him. "Phoebe, please…not now!" She looked at me earnestly and placed her hand on mine. "Alright, for now, but we will have to talk about this." I nodded and finally looked at her. Her eyes were red-rimmed indicating that she had been crying.

"Phoebe…were you crying?" She gasped and lowered her head. She turned into the shy girl I once knew from long ago and answered meekly. "Yes"

Worried that something might have happened to her I asked, "Care to tell me what happened? I mean I'll understand if you don't want to"

Over the years Phoebe and Tall hair boy or should I say no longer tall hair boy had an on and off long distance relationship. But things became much more serious between them since he came into town permanently to be close to her. I knew there were certain things concerning no longer tall hair boy she'd rather not discuss with me and that's okay, but if he'd ever hurt her. He'd have me to deal with.

Geraldo and I have understanding about that already. So, for the moment we're cool.

Phoebe replied softly, "Well…when you told me earlier you were going to the cleaners and that it wouldn't take long, I thought nothing of it. You often did this kind of thing and you came back. But…today you were gone for hours, and you never called. That was so unlike you. So, I started to worry. It was already getting dark when I decided to go searching for you, when I found you on the elevator. I thought something had happened to you, but physically you look unharmed. But when I saw the look on your face it scared me. It was the same look you gave me when I found you that day as you sat there on that bench, staring out that window waiting for…him." Understanding came to my face. I sighed, disappointed in myself. _'So… this definitely wasn't about Tall hair boy! Great!'_

Phoebe continued, "You were so out of it back then that I couldn't reach you. I screamed your name and you didn't even flinch. I was so terrified then that I would lose…" She choked on a sob and I quickly wrapped my arms around her, trying to bring her comfort. She whispered, "It's like you were in another world and you were leaving me behind. I was so scared back then. Scared that I would lose the best friend I ever had. And today when I saw you like that, it just frightened me that this time it might actually happen for good." She paused for a moment and caught her breath, "I'm not sure if you know this but you are more like a sister to me, I just don't want to lose you."

In all these years, I hadn't realized how much this would affect Phoebe. _'I feel so selfish. When it comes to Arnold, I just seem to forget the world and everyone else in it.'_ I thought.

I didn't remember much or asked about that day when Phoebe and my parents found me in my seclusion twelve years ago. Everyone pretty much avoided that topic as well. Dr. Bliss was the only one I felt comfortable to talk about my state of mind back then, but to others around me, I withheld discussing anything concerning Arnold. After being deemed cured I just went on with my life, and never once looked back. I never thought there would be a need to rehash the past since I was focused on the future. I never thought that my past would stare me right in the face as I walked the city streets. And as a result, he would turn my life upside down in the span of seconds, not even minutes. That man today reawakened this being inside of me that had been long gone from my conscious mind.

This little girl with the pink jumper and the one eyebrow resurfaced once more, bombarding me with thoughts of him. She insisted on making me spout sonnets on impulse and relayed fantasies of me and this man at every waking hour; encouraging me to surrender to my desires. The thirst, the longing and passion were locked within the corners of my mind waiting to burst free from its captivity. I fought it and willed it back. I would not let it rampage my life again. It would not control me. My decision was made. I would fight it, with all that I had.

I held Phoebe in my arms to reassure her. "Phoebe…you won't lose me okay? I was just." I sighed, I felt so guilty. "I was just in shock at seeing him that I couldn't think straight. Just give me a few days to work this out on my own. I'll be fine, I promise."

I felt her pull away and she looked at me critically, then she nodded. "Alright Helga…I believe you." Good ol' Phoebe, I can always rely on her. _'Truly I don't deserve her'_

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><p><strong>AN: Here's another chapter! So far, I'm on a roll. Thanks to each and every one of you who reviewed. I feel fortunate to have you enjoy what I've worked hard to put out. I appreciate it very much!XD. BTW, the next chapter is in the works it's titled 'I WANT TO RUN TO YOU' you know what that means, so be on the look out for it. But in the meantime, please review! Thank you. **


	5. I WANT TO RUN TO YOU

Arnold P.O.V.

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><p>There's one thing that I always believed when I was small and it was that everything happens for a reason. It was just my luck that in her moment of rage, Helga managed to forget her purse. I chuckled at the irony. She had not realized that she left it on the grass close to me as she left. This may be a sign. A second chance to redeem myself in her eyes. Her purse was the first thing I had noticed as I got up. I looked in the direction where she left, hoping she might realize what she had done and come back for it. Maybe then I might be able to see her again, but she never returned. So I took it with me.<p>

As I came into Gerald's apartment, we hardly said much to each other. I basically made it known to him that Helga and I met on the street, and from my expression he knew that things didn't go well and we left it at that.

"Sorry Arnold" was all I got as I continued to walk to my room. I didn't reply. First off, I was angry with him for not telling me that she was actually living here in the city. I guess he knew what I would've done if I did, but still…

And secondly, I didn't want to discuss any further on what occurred earlier. I was disheartened and in no mood to talk things out.

When I came into my room, I collapsed on my bed, but something poked at me from underneath my shirt. I pulled it out to see that it was the bag that Helga left behind, I smiled. There wasn't much in there, I checked. She had a few things in there like her keys, a case of lipstick, face powder, and her wallet. In that wallet though there was something that would grant me the opportunity to at least see her again, even if it was for the last time. Her ID card and it had her address on it.

I pulled out her license and stared at it. She's changed so much, I couldn't believe it. In that photo she looked mature and…sophisticated. Which reminded me of the time when Helga took Gerald, Phoebe, and I out to dinner at Chez Paris. I was pretty impressed and surprised at her elegance and class in that atmosphere. It felt like she belonged there. She's like a chameleon, a creature capable of changing according to their environment. I was amazed and somewhat envious at her obvious talent.

I sat there for hours wondering what I should do, how I should go about contacting her to return her purse of course. But the fact of the matter was that I was afraid of what might happen should I go over there.

After years, of waiting, hoping and anticipating her arrival into my life again, I was in turmoil by the fact that she made it clear to me that she didn't want me in hers. And I desperately wanted to make her see, and know that I pined and yearned for her all this time that I was away. I thought that my being away would've sparked some kind of interest in her, you know old friends happy to see each other once again and then we would come together for a moment to catch up on old times. Also in the off chance we hit it off we just might set sail into the sunset. _"Not likely now though." _Anyway, that was the way I expected it to occur.

It's been a day already and I'm still indecisive. My mind at the moment is on overload, and my body is literally exhausted from the thoughts running around my head.

"_I must be crazy. Yeah, that must be it!"_

I thought about Helga constantly, I realized that even when I was young I thought of her; probably in a negative way most of the time since she used to pick on me but I did.

Helga was like water to me, a simple element and yet complex in nature that can entice a man to salivating when the need for it was dire. My thirst to solve the mystery that was her was never quenched. I would unfold a layer from her shell only to find that there were more layers beneath that one. She was the temptation that I was unable to stray from my thoughts despite the distance and time that had separated us.

I was a fated man bounded by my fascination of her uniqueness, her charm, tenderness, and beauty that no one but me could see and understand. She was a part of my dream, of my future. The dream that I tried to deny when Rhonda's origami marriage predictor undeniably indicated that we were to be …married. No matter how many times I manipulated the calculation the answer was always the same. It equals Helga.

But at the time, I was young and foolish and I continually refused to see the truth. My preoccupation with finding my parents took the forefront of my overwhelming thoughts of her. I coated those thoughts with my unwillingness to let go of them, of their memory. Once I found my dad's journal, well…they became my sole priority. Even then, thoughts of her still continued to seep in, especially after…. "_OH NO! How did I not realize it?" "FTi…"_

My mind was made up. I was going to see her right away.

I went into the streets like a mad man on a mission. I hardly walked as I made my way to her apartment. My sight was solely focused on reaching her place before she flew away from my grasp. I ran for a while, a long while, until I turned the corner. My heart was speeding as I noticed the address of the building she lived in. Blindingly, I crossed the street, cars be damned. I could care less if they managed to hit me; I just had to get to her. And yet, safely I made it. Once I entered, I ignored the bellhop and the concierge calling me to stop. I went for the stairs knowing that the elevators were occupied. No one could stop me from reaching her this time. And if they tried there'd be hell to pay.

I climbed, and climbed the stairs and with each step my anticipation was growing.

"_My Angel, I'm coming for you and this time I'm not letting you go."_

I was panting from exhaustion, but despite that I was determined to get there. _"What possessed me to take the stairs a few minutes before? I must've lost my mind"_

"FINALLY" I blurted out exasperatedly when I arrived on the floor. I took a moment to gather myself. I knew I was a mess, and I didn't want her to see me this way. Once done, I took a step forward and then another and as I was approaching the door I began to feel nervous. Helga. The thought of her name always made me shake in my pants. But this time it wasn't for fear of her, _"Okay, maybe I'm just a little bit afraid of her" I thought. _But this time it was more like the fear of losing her, of her permanently excluding herself from my life. What I was doing now was downright idiotic and reckless. I was taking the risk of getting hurt even more, emotionally as well as physically. _"I guess I'm asking for it." _

There! Apartment 1007.

My hands were trembling, and my knees suddenly became weak. But I ignored what my body was saying and I knocked on her door three times. And from behind the door, I heard a muffled reply, telling me to hold on a minute, they would be right there. I prepared myself and relaxed.

And when the door opened, it was eerily quiet. Helga stood there a bit shocked, so much so that hardly a peep came from her mouth. Her eyes blinked, a lot. And I tried to say something, anything but I just didn't want to ruin the moment.

Unfortunately, she did. "I thought I told you to stay away from me!"

I looked down at my left hand, her purse was still in it and I forced myself to speak. "You… left this at the park the other day, and I was just bringing it back." She eyed me for a few seconds and reached out her hand making the motion for me to hand it over. I lifted my hand with the bag and handed it to her, but I didn't let go of it. Our fingers brushed each other for a moment and she gasped. I felt a jolt of electricity run through me. She felt it too, I know she did. And that made me even more determined to go through with this. She tried to pull her purse from my grasp, but I didn't want to let go. Her gaze quickly flashed to mine as she frowned. "Let go!" she uttered. But I didn't. She kept pulling and pulling. "Arnold! Let… GO!" But I refused. So we were in a tug of war. And the more she pulled the more I resisted. I guess she had not realized that the more she tugged at her purse the more I was being pulled into her apartment.

"For Criminy's sake Arnold, LET GO!" she yelled as she strongly tugged at it.

"_As you wish!" _I thought as I release the purse, and that's when she fell back landing on her butt. She scowled and looked up at me. "Why the heck did you do that for?"

"Be-cause you asked me to?" I replied not sounding the least bit guilty about the outcome.

She huffed as she got up off the floor. "Well…thank you for bringing my purse back. NOW GO!"

I quirked an eyebrow and uttered. "Well the least you could do is offer me some courtesy for returning your purse. A cup of coffee would be nice, you know, for my trouble. I did come a long way to bring you this."

Actually, it was kind of the truth, but that's because I opted to go on foot since I had no means of transportation; so it took me a while longer to get here. Plus I hadn't asked Gerald to take me since I knew he wouldn't approve.

She glared at me hatefully, but surrendered. "Fine, one cup and then go!"

I nodded and smiled, but she quickly turned away from me closing the front door and then entered the kitchen to prepare a pot. In the meantime, I wandered around the living room of the apartment staring at photos of her and Phoebe throughout the years. I smiled at one picture with all the gang together in high school, but then I felt sad. I missed out on a lot with them over the years. Things between all of us just weren't as tight and close knit as they were anymore. Helga walked in, she looked a bit anxious; probably for me to leave. I turned and faced her fully. "So I see you graduated with honors from Groverton University, congrats. Even though it's late." I said as I pointed to her degree and sent her a shaky grin.

"Thanks" she replied quietly. I waited for her to speak further on the matter or her of experiences. I wanted to know everything that happened to her over the years, but she'd just shut down. So I prodded further. "So what are you doing now?"

She looked up at me quickly then redirected her gaze to the floor.

"_Hmm, must've been an interesting floor."_

She answered, "I write a column for a women's magazine actually"

I was happy, and I wanted to hug her then, but I held back. "Really? That's great Helga! I always knew you had it in you." She nodded.

It was quiet again.

Suddenly she spoke. "Why are you here Arnold?"

"Helga, I just want-" She didn't give me the chance to explain myself and kept on going.

"Why are doing this? Are you punishing me or something? Is that it? Is it because I poured glue on your…tush and stuck feathers to it back in the 4th grade? Or is it because of the paint we were fighting over that I spilled on your shirt in history class?" in the midst of her rant I thought. _"She remembered that?"_

And she kept going. "Or probably the time that I-"

"STOP IT HELGA. JUST….SHUT UP FOR A SECOND." I yelled.

I couldn't take it any more and she sure as hell wasn't making it easy. "I have something to say… and YOU WILL LISTEN!" I hissed threateningly to make it clear that I was not to be interrupted.

I took a deep breath and began pacing. "I was stupid Helga. I was…stupid, and dense, and ignorant, and foolish to not have noticed what was constantly staring me in the face." I sighed and looked her in the eyes. "But…I was nine. A nine year old boy that didn't understand what-"

She raised an eyebrow and looked at me skeptically. "Okay, okay, maybe I understood a little, but it was hard for me to grasp what I was feeling at the time. I had no way of comprehending the feelings I felt and my grandparents were not exactly straightforward. They were kinda off the wall, you know?"

Helga nodded in understanding, "That's true." And she clammed up as I glared at her for speaking.

I continued, "And I thought you hated me and you said it often enough that I began to believe it. You were confusing at best. You kept sending me mixed signals that I didn't know what to think."

Helga scoffed and looked me in the eye without any concern. "Are you done now?"

I stopped pacing. "_She didn't believe me!" _I thought as I stared at her. "So…you don't believe me?" I uttered wide-eyed as I stood there by her mantle.

She smiled vindictively. "Why should I?"

I clenched my fists and spat out. "Because it's the truth."

She chuckled bitterly, "Really?"

I gritted out, "Yeah, Really!"

She scoffed again, "Soo, what part of my confession on the rooftop of Fti was…confusing to you, hm? The part where I said that I loved you repeatedly? Or, the part where I went on ranting about all the things that I did for you or maybe what confused you more was the very thorough kiss I placed on your lips?" She continued sarcastically. "Yeah Arnoldo, that must be it. A VERY CONFUSING ACT INDEED!"

I felt lost at that moment and I sputtered. "But…but you took it back, I mean..after.."

Helga smiled sadly, "Face it Arnold, it seemed to me that you didn't want to accept it. Therefore, you didn't want me!" She sighed and approached me but stopped within two feet from where I stood. "And I understood. So I took it back…for you. I loved you enough back then to do that cause I felt that you needed time, but months later we went to San Lorenzo and many times I've tried to show you the truth since then. I even risked my LIFE to find you're parents and after all that you still didn't want to acknowledge it. You went on as if I…." Her voice croaked as she tore her pained eyes away from mine. "As if I was just like everybody else, even worse you couldn't even stand to stay alone in a room with me. You pretended that everything was right with the world, especially after your parents came back."

She yelled then. "Well WHAT ABOUT ME? HUH? YOU…" She choked on a sob, I reached out, but she backed away holding her hand up to stop me from coming. "You didn't even…." She looked like she was out of breath. She was about to fall apart again and I didn't want that, but I wanted her to say her peace. And I felt that I should hear it. I owed her that. But she became angry then. Her fists clenched as if she was trying to gain strength from that act alone. She gritted out. "You didn't even acknowledge what was between us, not…once. But still I gave you a chance, many chances in fact and what did I get in return? Nothing! Not even a proper goodbye."

I wanted to say something at that moment, but what could I have said in my defense? She was right!

She calmed down a little and continued to speak, but as she went on, her hands began to shake and her eyes watered.

"After you left, I held on to you still." She whispered solemnly.

"I didn't know how to go on without you there. I just stopped living and watched as the world passed me by from my window. I was…pathetic. I let you be everything to me and that wasn't healthy." I looked to her then now understanding what I meant to her back then, feeling guilty all the more for not facing those feelings I held back, until it was too late.

"You brought me to life Arnold…" she smiled a fraction before a frown came upon her face. "but you also destroyed me at the same time."

"No! You don't mean that!" I whispered, as I took two steps and wrapped her in my arms. She didn't push me away this time, and I drew her even closer to me. A savored the feel of her body against mine, and to my surprise her hands wrapped themselves around me. She sighed and relaxed into me, and I felt in heaven just for the fact that she wasn't pushing me away. I could feel her warm breath in my ear as she breathed. I ran my fingers through her hair and she shivered at the feel of my touch. This was right; it was time to make my move. She slightly pulled back from the embrace when I did and I leaned forward towards her lips. I was only a heartbeat away when she said, "And that's why I have to let you go." And my world came crashing down.

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><p><strong>AN: This story is almost done. There's about...two chapters left to this story. I would like to say thanks to those who read and reviewed this fic. It was much appreciated.**


	6. DO I DARE?

CH6. DO I DARE?

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><p>Arnold looked at me in disbelief. "What?" He whispered. I looked him in the eye and said. "I'm letting you go, Arnold. I can't go back to being that girl that was hopelessly in love with you. Besides, I've changed since then."<p>

Arnold shook his head, trying to understand. "What are you trying to say?"

I stepped back from his embrace and spoke. "What I'm trying to say is…that I don't love you anymore." I looked at him for a reaction, but he was like a deer staring at headlights. His gaze looked haunted and I couldn't stand it. I waved a hand about his face, and quickly he came to. My heart was tearing apart and the sad part was that I knew I was doing the same to his. His voice uttered shakily, "Y-you don't mean that, Helga. I know you."

He whispered again "I know you"

I approached him so he could see the seriousness in my eyes. "Do you? Do you really? After all these years you still think you know me?"

He hesitated, but still answered. "Yes…I do." I saw him swallow a lump in his throat, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down in the process.

I smiled a little and challenged. "Really? How can you tell all of a sudden? You sure didn't know me back then, because if you did, clearly you would've known that I loved you."

"Stop saying that!" Arnold frustratingly uttered and sat himself down on the arm of my couch, slightly slumping and stared at his hands.

"What?" I replied.

"You keep saying that in the past tense."

"You mean 'loved '?"

He nodded and said. "Helga… I know you and you can't just turn off an emotion like that. Believe me I know." He lifted his eyes to look at me and had that lopsided smile on his face, but soon it faded. "After I left Hillwood, you were all I could think about. I didn't know why suddenly I did. Maybe…maybe it's because I missed you being around or maybe it was because of things left unsaid and unresolved between us, I don't know. But… while there I had ample time to go over my thoughts. All day…I would think about the moments we spent together no matter how insignificant it was at that time and it began to add up, the actions, the underlying meaning in the words you would say, every reaction I made to it, it made sense. Deep down, I felt… something for you. But… what? I wasn't completely sure."

He sighed and shook is head, and a bitter laugh escaped his lips. "You could say my mind was clouded, sure. It took me years to come to terms with my feelings. Actually, I was thirteen when I did. I was speaking to my father about my mom. I just asked him what love felt like and he went on and on relaying what he felt for her… in detail I might add." He chuckled and smiled wistfully, probably picturing that moment. He sighed, continuing. "It was more descriptive than I anticipated, true, but…that's when I knew that I wasn't confused anymore. That day…that day I decided that no matter what, I was going to see you again and then I would confess my-"

"Stop it, Arnold." I had to make him stop. I couldn't let him bring me down that road again. "Why are you telling me this? There's no use in you telling me this, because I still don't love you! And no matter what you say, it won't change that fact!"

Arnold got up and came to face me. "Why do you keep fighting it? I know you felt the connection when our hands touched earlier. So why are you denying what your heart is telling you? I made that mistake years ago and here you are now trying to repeat it!"

"You know nothing of my heart, Arnold." I spat, glaring at him. "All you did was enjoy your precious life with your precious parents, in that precious jungle they so often can't get away from, while I sat back in HILLWOOD and rotted away, pining for a dense, optimistic, ignorant, blind as a bat FOOL. AND ALL OF A SUDDEN YOU THINK YOU COULD JUST STROLL IN HERE, AND TRY TO…Mmmmmpffff"

He kissed me! Can you believe it? He had the audacity to kiss me! Right then and there I was filled with rage. Now he's gonna get it. I abruptly pulled away my fists clenching then. "YOU HAVE GOT SOME NERVE KISSIN…Mmmmpffff"

"_THAT FOOTBALL HEAD DID IT AGAIN! He's really pissing me ooohhh"_

Suddenly, I couldn't think. His lips glided sinuously on mine and I just…couldn't think. I tried. Really! I tried to resist him but waves of warmth were surrounding me then. Goosebumps were rising on my arms where his fingers touched. And my feet tingled and curled as his tongue brushed upon my lips, asking to deepen the kiss. And I willfully accepted. I was stepping into the forbidden zone, and ignored the warning signs my brain kept setting off. Our tongues brushed up against each other, soothing and sensuous all at once. And I held onto him strongly. It was passion at its height, and we were losing control. We came out of the kiss gasping for air, our eyes still glazed and lustful. This wasn't over. Arnold took my hand and led me to the couch. And like some groupie…I followed.

He sat down and pulled me to sit close to him and as soon as I did, he jumped me and began to devour me like some vulture. He was relentless and starved, and I loved it. His lips traveled hungrily all over my face in reverence. And his deep voice huskily whispered my name with desire. He wanted me, he needed me and was never letting me go, he kept repeating like a mantra.

He nipped at my neck and "oooooohhh" he found my sensitive spot. He left searing trails of his kisses down my neck to my right shoulder, which was exposed due to an oversized jersey shirt I wore. He pulled back and extended my arm to him, lifting my hand near his lips, he paused to look at me with hungry eyes. Without losing eye contact, he kissed the inside of my wrist and I shuddered. _"He keeps finding those sensitive spots." _ And two seconds later he found another one again._ "OOH Arnold!"_

He smirked, seeming satisfied at my expression. And he returned to my lips and sucked and nipped, and lightly bit. _"Kinky, aren't we!" _I never thought I would ever feel like this. I was transfixed on his movements, the sounds of pleasure he made, and how his body flexed and softened in reaction to my encouraging touch. Everything he did had purpose and I was its beneficiary. His hands were respectably all over me now, traveling nowhere and everywhere he felt permitted to go and I couldn't take it. His touch set me on fire, and I retaliated with fervor and eagerness, kissing him blind. I was dizzy with pleasure and I didn't want to stop. He squeezed lightly my hips and upon his lips, I moaned his name.

"_Arnold Please"_ Inwardly I pleaded. Yet another gasp escaped me as his hands fluidly caressed my thigh. Up and down, slowly his hand went along my skin. I was losing my mind. I just couldn't resist him, his voice, his touch, his kiss made me lightheaded and I lost thought. He had won. I had completely surrendered to him. Game...Over!

**A/N: Alright readers only one more chapter left. So stick around for the conclusion coming soon. Oh and reviews would be very much appreciated! Thank you!  
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	7. Wha?

**Wow!It's been awhile...My apologies for not posting the last chapter. I had suffered a loss in my family and things kinda took over my writing time. But now I hope to continue what I started so without further ado here is the conclusion to Bane of my existence. Reviews are most appreciated.  
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><p>When I opened my eyes to see it's morning, I felt completely disoriented. I closed them back to evade the bright glare of the sun. Feeling softness under me, I realized that I was on my bed. I relaxed a bit and sighed while sinking further into my pillow. My attempt to return to the land of slumber was thwarted by my internal clock's refusal to let me return to sleep. I lowly groaned, my mood turning dark and cranky for my body not cooperating. Regardless, instinctively, I forced out a yawn while my arms stretched out to the side in attempt to get out the kinks in my muscles. In the process, my hand landed on something solid.<p>

"Mmmm" a deep voice hummed as my hand touched its surface. Soft but firm flesh came into contact with the back of my hand. In seconds, it moved towards me, I felt soft flesh nuzzling my neck. My eyes snapped open instantly. _"OH NO!" _ I thought as I held my breath, slowly turning my head to face it. I grimaced as I saw tufts of blonde hair beginning to show on top of the covers. Snippets of last night's make-out session came to mind and…

"Oh NO! no,no,no,no, NO!" I muttered in dismay.

Staring back at me was the happy sleeping face of Arnold. I sat up and fisted the covers as I panicked "Oh man, what have I done?" I whispered, placing a hand to my head. "He returns your purse and what do you Helga? You reward him by sleeping with him, GREAT," I spat sarcastically. "The least you could've done was remember the whole thing you doof."

I shook my head and rocked myself. "Oh man, Oh man, oh man, oh ma-"

"Helga?" His voice drowsily uttered. I squirmed, bringing my hands to cover my face. "Oh no!" I croaked aloud not realizing that I did. I felt his arms circling me. I kept my eyes straightforward and my lips shut. "Helga? Are you…okay?"

I turned to him, narrowing my eyes, "What do you think Football head? Does it look like I'm okay?" I uttered a slight crack in my voice. His eyes softened as he smiled.

Speaking softly, he said, "I don't know? You tell me!"

I turned away from him and tried to get out of bed, but he pulled me back into his embrace.

"You seduced me," I hissed trying to escape his hold, his touch, his breathing down my neck!

He responded to my accusation, whispering huskily, "You tempted me."

I stopped and raised an eyebrow. "Oh really!"

I could feel his smile widening as he nuzzled the nape of my neck, then he kissed it, making me shudder on contact.

I scowled. _"Traitorous body of mine"_

"Yeah…really. You're so…enticing." His deep voice reverberated from his body to mine and it rendered me to close my eyes in pleasure. He kissed the same spot again, and my body shuddered once more. _"Stupid body, stupid voice, stupid Arnold"_

I had to put a stop to this. I had to do something. "Arnold?"

"Hm?"

"I…have to pee." I claimed boldly, without an ounce of shame.

He paused for a moment and shifted his position, but still held on. Calmly he asked, "What brought this on all of a sudden?"

_"Guess he knows me better than I thought. Think fast, Pataki." I thought. _

"Doi, Nature." I replied with a roll of my eyes and my usual scowl as a finishing touch.

Within moments, his grip loosened, albeit reluctantly. "Oh! Okay."

When he finally let go, I ran without looking back into the bathroom. Basically, my plan was to stay in there till he left. But knowing Arnold, he wouldn't. He would stay all day if he had to till I came out. At that point, I didn't know what to do, where to go, since my bathroom had no windows.

_"Where the hell is Phoebe?"_ I thought at that moment as I paced the tiny part of the bathroom floor. _"Great! I also forgot my cell phone on the dresser_." As I tried to devise a way out of this mess, but nothing came to mind. Therefore, advantage…Arnold.

He called out to me after half an hour, while I sat on the toilet, thinking.

"You okay in there?" He asked.

"Yeah Arnoldo, just…peachy."

Now I realized that I have to face him once again, but this time I had to be strong. I have to have more resolve than I had yesterday. I was worried of course. I mean…I woke up today with a man in my bed. A man that I used to dream about all the time. It should have been a dream come true, but how long would this dream last? Would I utterly fall apart should this dream fade? Should I take that chance? And where do we go from here? That was the question I was most afraid of.

_"I guess I'll have to play it by ear." _ I thought, trying to give myself a small pep talk before I faced the man.

When I opened the door, Arnold's green eyes were staring straight at me. I looked into his burning gaze, and it made me feel paralyzed. I withdrew from it, and stepped to the side to walk past him.

"I guess we should...um..talk." I heard myself utter as I continued to walk away.

I heard him chuckle a bit then he sighed. "I think that's a good idea Helga."

With my back still turned to him I nodded and moved to get my things. I spoke once more, "I just need to freshen up. You can go after me...okay?" I turned to gauge his reaction, his eyes softened as he replied, "Okay"

Once done we entered the kitchen. Arnold thought it would be a good idea to eat before we...talked. But he was just prolonging his stay and that pissed me off. I made some coffee and slammed his cup down on the counter, splattering some of it on its surface. Then, I plunked down a doughnut on a plate before him. He looked at me and smiled despite the way I offered it to him.

Grrr! He was so… frustrating, nothing I did seemed to affect him all of a sudden.

"Do I amuse you, Football head?" I asked narrowing my eyes at him, irritated.

His smile just grew wider, and I blushed. Great! my body just likes to pick the right moment to further encourage his pompous ass. But seeing that I was about to blow, he reigned in his gloating. "No…you…amaze me."

I looked at him skeptically, "Arnold I just gave you coffee and a doughnut for breakfast and that…amazed you?"

He chuckled. "Well, not that actually. Just…well…I thought you would urge me to cut to the chase and talk, but instead you made me breakfast and coffee...well sort of."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Well Arnold, I do have manners. Obviously, you are my…uh..well…you are…a..guest here so…" I crossed my arms over my chest and huffed. "Well I'm sorry I exceeded your expectations!" I stated holding my head high, chin out. He chuckled at that, and so did I. We looked to each other and blushed turning away. It became quiet again until he spoke.

"We…didn't do anything," Arnold said his gaze low and focused on his coffee, his fingers encircling the cup's surface to absorb its warmth.

I looked to him incredulously. "What?"

He elaborated, "Last night, we didn't…uh…we didn't… do…it!" He looked up quickly and then dropped his gaze. "I thought you should know. All we did was kiss and then you kinda fainted in my arms, so…I took you to bed and watched over you until I fell asleep."

My eyes were shifting from right to left. "But…I thought…we…you know-"

He shook his head and a half smile came upon his face. "No, we didn't. Besides, we woke up with our clothes on. I merely took off your slippers. I guess…you…um..didn't notice."

Mentally, I slapped my forehead. _"Pataki you idiot, why do always go jumping to conclusions."_

In a way, I felt relieved, but I also felt a bit disappointed. Besides, things would've gotten much more awkward and complicated if we had. I looked to Arnold as he examined his coffee. He seemed deep in thought. Suddenly, he blushed and smirked.

"_Oh No, he's probably thinking about what we did yesterday. Alright Helga, time to snap him out of it."_

"Arnold" I called, but his smirked grew wider. _"That doof. This is not the time to think dirty thoughts. Ugh! I can't believe this was the innocent, caring, and loving boy I fell in love with! He's all grown up now. I guess he has changed in some ways…"_

"Arnold!" I called again. He snapped out of his daydream.

"Huh..what…You were saying something?" He looked lost at this moment. A laugh almost escaped me. "_Yep he's a doofus alright. A very cute, lovable, and sexy doofus with some nice abs and a great butt…. Alright Helga now you're doing it."_

"Arnold I think we should talk now…about us"

He looked at me with hopeful eyes and I couldn't help but feel weak in the knees.

"What about us is there to talk about?" he said.

"Well…I uh…" my eyes shifted uncontrollably as I tried to figure out what to say or how to approach whatever it was between us. "Well…where do we go from here?" I asked perplexed.

Arnold stood up from his stool and came around on the other side of the counter where I stood. He took both of my hands and held them in his. "Helga, all I know is that…I want you in my life and hopefully you want me in yours. I'm not going to ignore what you went through in the past because of me. I'm sorry, really sorry for whatever pain I caused you. I never meant to hurt you. I always cared about your feelings and I'm willing to…to give you space and time if that's what you want. We could work on our relationship, you know…take it slow. Whatever you feel comfortable with I'll do. I just…want to be a part of your life, hopefully…forever, if that's okay with you."

I looked up as he said possibly forever and tears started to stream down my face. There I went crying in front of Arnold again. This man could still make me feel like a total basket case.

"_Oh great, my nose is leaking now. This is so embarrassing!"_

Arnold flashed a bright smile at me and wiped my tears with the pads of his thumbs as I repeatedly sniffed. He grabbed the dish towel over the counter and handed it to me so I could blow my nose.

He spoke once more. "So…Helga…What do you say?"

I laughed as I looked into his _Green jellybean eyes._ The eyes of my obsession and I smiled. I wrapped my arms around his neck, my face close to his, his lips millimeters from mine. I shrugged nonchalantly and said. "Whatever floats you boat, Arnold" He then grinned in return and softly kissed me to my hearts content.

"_Whatever you say Helga, whatever...you…say!" He thought._

_FIN_

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><p>AN: Happy New Year! **A big thank you to all those who reviewed earlier chapters, I'm glad you enjoyed it and I hope you enjoyed this chapter too.**


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